MySpace Blog 20060313

In the face of a week of hellified work to do, I am sitting on my couch thinking about poetry. I’m watching Def Poets and I thinking that poets can sometimes be incestuous with their styles. I’ve been searching for my voice, my poetic voice, for years now. I am loving the free flow of Giovanni. I call it the free flow because she sounds like she’s just speaking so naturally. I’m in love with Ursula Rucker. I can’t describe her style but I’m in love with her words. She’s sexy and insightful at the same time. She makes me want to be deep with my words, but I don’t feel like being deep. I want the words to manifest on screen and bleed in ears and fill bellies like food for thought that aint for the thinking. I am about to be poetic, so if you don’t feel it or it doesn’t feed your soul, then you’ll find my apologies hanging in the winds with explanations of poems past.

Thought Text: Restless

words come to me in the passage of rhythm
ear canal connects to audio love
loving the music
loving the words
loving the lovely loving ones
and thoughts connect to words
like speech makes movement
like movement makes things happen
like things happening to me when I connect with
thought text
i want my words to hang in the air like magic
i want my words to hang in the ear like mystery
i want my words to hang those against me
vengeance connects through words
hurting my enemies
hurting my loved ones
hurting those that don’t get me
and this aint hard to understand. . .
random ruminations run circles in my mind
tracing paths of intended word play
that never quite make it to manifestation my daydreams are inspired by songs of pain
songs of abstract love
songs of those things I’ll never have
and my wishes sometimes never make it past
i travel across roads that lead to nowhere
looking for expressions to sooth my soul
but i am restless
my worries, my fears, my hurts, my wants
my desires, my needs, my failings, my happiness
my life
exists
sometimes
only in thought text
i wish these words could make me the whole man
that i need to be
i wish these degrees could comfort these demons
of insecurity
yet their screams are never quiet
never quite quelled
never too far away from my thoughts
showing up in my speech
in my tears at night
deep in my soul’s quest to be rested
in this life
i am dancing to rhythms that free me from this world
i listen to forget
i listen to be sane
i listen to be happy
the simplicity of sound
infinite words from infinite voices
all swirling around
in my thought text....

-- "Thought Text: Restless" (c) 2006 PoetiQ Sense Of Non

MySpace Blog 20060308

The Ravings Of A Lunatic Dj

Well, like most ”deep” thoughts I have, the following comes from a typical pensive moment in the shower.

While not a well-known fact, I tend to believe that most folks can envision me listening to music during my showers since I listen to music constantly (for better or for worse – regarding the completion of my degree). In the shower, I need something that I can either move to or be melancholy about so I head to my trust ipod for either my ”Smooth Soul,” ”Izm’s Soul,” ”Melancholy,” or ”HouzMixes” playlist. The latter of them usually wins out since I tend to shower in the morning and need to wake up.

Anyway (sorry for the long intro), I’m grooving to the latest house mix by Dj Michael Fossati. I don’t know him from a can of paint but he puts out a weekly house mix of new stuff. In the midst of my grooving to some soulful afro-cuban-laced beat with gospel-like lyrics, I start lamenting my upcoming dj night. Why? Well, the plain fact of the matter is that I don’t get to play ”this” kind of music when I dj. I used to a LONG time ago, but it didn’t bring in the crowds and that seems to be what it’s all about these days: how many covers at the door! The deep house crowd doesn’t exist in Charlottesville or they’re not large enough to carry a night. As such, I end up playing a set of mostly top 40 hip POP crap. No disrespect to my southern folks, but I can say that I MOSTLY hate this southern-style hip POP. Do we have enough songs about teeth fixture, cars, wheels, half-naked women, and body parts? I guess not. And must the beats per minute be so damn low?? I’m often in the booth looking for someone to slow dance with me. I mean geez. 70 BPM!?!?! That’s slow enough to be an old Marvin Gaye grind song! Now, this blog is nothing new. I just find myself going through periods of re-evaluation regarding my role in promoting this HORRIBLE music. Outside of Ludacris, OutKast, and Cee-Lo, I can’t really say that the confederate states have produced any REAL creativity!! I’m sure there will be those of you who will read this and cite Lil Jon, but please don’t!

I can’t really say what moves the club anymore. Why? In my opinion, folks, nowadays, are just moving to what they hear on the radio. If you were to make me listen to Lil Jon (for example – not to pick on him solely) 5 to 10 times a day, after a while, I’d probably find something redeeming in the beat, at least. Folks don’t seem to go exploring anymore. I have folks coming up to me telling me about (mainly neo-soul) artists that they’re hearing and I’m like, ”I’ve known about this person or group for a few years!” No, they didn’t get airplay. No, they weren’t heavily promoted. So, how did you find out about them? Exploration and good old Amazon.com. You’ve got to the love the old ”People who purchased this artist, also purchased, blah, blah, blah!” So, I give it a listen. If it’s good, it’s on the ipod. But I digress.

What is it that you want Michael?!?!?! I want EVERYONE to feel what I feel when ”Brand New Day” by Lil Louie Vega featuring Blaze comes on. I want them to hear that latin-inspired beat and just lose their minds. I want to hear chanting in the room, whistles blowing, screams for MORE, and a throng that moves in unison to the same beat. I’ve experienced this in DC, Baltimore, New York, and Philadelphia. I want that shit in Virginia, specifically Charlottesville.

Like I said. This was a raving of a lunatic dj! I’m living in a fantasy world where everyone downloads mixes from www.deephousepage.com or thismix.com or www.spiritofhouse.com. I’m hearing a 4/4 beat moving at 125 BPM’s with warm pads, deep basslines, and lyrics that talk of love, feeling the rhythm, coming together, and having a good time. I’ve never had to duck from a bottle being thrown during a fight or worried about gun shots at a club that played that music. I watched, a few months back, a video of a house music ”cookout” at a park in Baltimore. I saw little kids, teenagers, adults, and folks a little more mature all swaying to the same beat. People were smiling and getting sweaty. This is what I want for the folks at the club I dj @. It’ll never happen though. The owner wants to make money and, at the end of the day, I’m probably only one of 4 or 5 people who even want to hear it.

. . . all is not lost though. . . I’m swaying as I type this. . . I’m in my fantasy world. . . somebody’s pounding the keys. . . I hear vibe sounds. . . the repetitive nature of the beat makes me forget my troubles. . . I living in the sound and my body can’t help but move. . . aches and pains fade away to give me enough relief to just lose it. . . I’m not 35 anymore. . . youthful exuberance and sheer physical invincibility make me want to dance until the sun shines in my eyes. . . .

...and then...we’ll do it again....

MySpace Blog 20060214

Yo Peoples, it’s a beautiful Tuesday morning and I’m in good spirits. Why? Because I aint got no kids, drama, or bill collectors at my door! It’s a good fucking day!!! So, what could screw it up?!?!?!! Yet, ONE MORE PHONE CALL that goes something like this:

—BEGIN—

. . . so it’s Valentine’s day, did you get me anything? Why not? What do you mean Valentine’s Day is for couples? Don’t you have love for your friends? Where are my flowers? I mean, can a sista get a meal?

— END —

That’s just an example! People, my people, have we let the marketing machine brainwash us completely??? This aint even a holiday. Most folks don’t even know who Saint Valentine was. Nope. All that matters are some flowers (that’ll die in less than a week), some fattening chocolate, and (potentially) some meaningless, regular sex. (well, hopefully that last part aint true for all)

WALK AWAY FROM THE V-DAY CRACK PIPE FOLKS!!!!

If your special someone wasn’t cooking dinner for you, massaging you, loving you, sexing you, being sweet on you BEFORE today, dump his/her ASS!!!! One day out of the year for what??? Cards & Candy????

Shit. If I had a girlfriend and she decided to be ”special” to me on Valentine’s day without being special to me every day, she’d be the EX!!!!!!! LOL.

Ladies, the same goes for you!!! If yo man is slipping, tell’em to TIGHTEN up!!! Single dudes are on the move!!!!!

Okay, what else is on my mind today?!?!?! Hmmmmm. . . .

Internet dating. What’s this going to look like in about 5 years? I went on BlackPeopleMeet.com because an EX told me about it. I was like, ”are you telling me that you’re dealing with a guy now that you met from the internet?” My, how the times have changed!!! I know folks who SWEAR by internet dating and others who find the thought totally abhorrent. But, I can’t help but wondering. Is it so bad? When you chat with someone online, you tend to get the unadulterated version of them, usually. I’m not talking about the small percentage of crazies who TRULY let you meet their proxy. Online, you can be the bold one, the assured one, the sexy one, the smart one. You can be just about anybody you want. At the same time, you can be honest without many of the reprisals that come from face to face contact. BPM actually has a service where you can record a greeting of some sort. Now, that’s special. I can see a video greeting for some folks, too. Amazing!! I remember when all you had was picture to go by. That picture was always something that they took 10 years ago when they were lighter, (possibly) cuter, and more fun. The person you meet today is usually MUCH heavier, not as cute (probably due to too much partying when they were cute), and definitely not as much fun (let the jaded folks GET HELP).

But...

Is I.D. really the wave of the future? Living in small-town America, I can see how meeting someone over the internet would be beneficial. In a place like the Ville, you tend to meet 3 or 4 people and then you’re connected to 3 or 4 hundred. After while, circles develop and dating becomes an incestuous affair with tons of problems. If you date one and it doesn’t work out, you’ve effectively eliminated about 10 other possibilities (at least). Open up your options to the net and the circle starts growing, so you’re not meeting folks who have a DIRECT connection to people you already know. You still run the risk of a little connection here and there, but there are only 6 degrees of separation, right?!?!?! What do you expect?? LOL

Enough of that. . .

What else has been on my mind??? Hmmm...

Ahh, I remember! I was supposed to write a poem called ”Pieces of Me” the other day, but I didn’t get around to it. The subject matter: giving away pieces of yourself with each (failed) relationship. Have you ever felt like you gave so much to a sista (or brotha) that the next person you met only received a mere portion of your good self? I think about the first girlfriend who received all the love and excitement. Then, we broke up. The next girlfriend got about 95%. And so on....

Anything else. . . .

Nope. Gotta go do some work! Until next time my lovelies....

MySpace Blog 20060131

The Art Of Miscommunication

and i said i need some time and she heard ”lack of commitment”

all i want is you in my life

and she felt ”unappreciated”

i kissed her as soon as she walked in the door

and she cried ”foul, called me an adulterer”

all she said was ”not tonight”

and i plotted my revenge

she said she wants to ”still be friends”

and i hated her passionately

the portrait is stained with colors of red and blue and green

and all she sees is ”gray”

my heart weeps in her absence

and she dismissed my emotion with ”folly”

she devotes all of her ”time” to me

and i complain that i am not enough for her

she offered me love

i gave her my contempt

in the art of miscommunication the lies are blurred

truth obscured

and happiness abandoned

art truly imitates life!

-- "The Art Of Miscommunication" (c) 2006 PoetiQ Sense Of Non

MySpace Blog 20060121

Have U Ever Just Been On Yo Own Shit???

Okay, where’s this coming from??? I was looking at some poems of mine and I was like, ”dayum, u got talent brotha!” LOL. That’s it!! I was feeling myself and thought I’d share with the class. The poem that I was looking at was ”The Wind and The Flower” that I wrote for a friend while being inspired by ”House of the Flying Daggers.” I believe it’s in one of my earlier blogs, but fuck it! Here it is again ;-) Sweat me!! I AM!!! LOL. Goodnight.

The Wind & The Flower

gentle breeze
blow for me
make my petals bend to please
let the colors of my skin
mend the soul
and conspire to tease
flowing seas of silent force
move mystery for me
sculpt insatiable transient need
come and go as you will
and let your skill overwhelm me
i am the flower to your wind
letting my beauty sooth the eye
while you orchestrate sky movement to uncloud me
you come upon me as zephyr
and leave me in turbulent ecstacy
i open up for you
and you conjure new bloom
yet in the stillness of my contentment
your absence is real
i can never hold you
i will never see the true you
i will only know how you make me feel
and linger in hopes
that you will blow my way again.

-- "The Wind & The Flower" (c) 2006 PoetiQ Sense Of Non

MySpace Blog 20060117

Wasted Energy!?!?!

Topic for tonight? Come on. You know it’s going to be about women! LOL. So here’s the scenario. I’m up in a club in the Ville having an alright time and I end up meeting these two sistas. They seem cool, so I’m dancing with one of them (and both, at times). The night ends and I break a fundamental rule of mine: DO NOT GET PHONE NUMBERS IN CLUBS! Yes, folks, I actually DON’T go seeking phone numbers in clubs. I had a stalker a while back and that was one too many. In any event, I let the haze of jack and coke dull my senses for a hot minute and ask this sista for her math. She’s a little reluctant but I insist (man – no more drinking for me). I get the number but I send her text messages instead of actually calling. This seems like no big deal to me since texting has become my latest drug. Well, we have a few exchanges and finally she sends me a message that says, ”I gave you the number for you to call me.” I was like, ”oh snap! That’s right! I’m fucking up!” I decide to call. I preface the conversation with ”is this a bad time to talk” and she tells me that she’s got to call her mom shortly and has a few minutes to talk. I swear. I should have RUN FOR THE HILLS at that point. We have a ten minute conversation that was like pulling teeth. You ever have one of those conversations where it’s like a question and (short) answer session? I asked her where she was from in response to something she said. She replies, ”don’t you remember? I told you in the club!” I’m like, ”that was over a week ago and I was also tipsy” (to myself). The conversation went down hill from there. I felt like I was trying to carry the conversation the whole time. If she didn’t want to talk, she could have simply said so.

I don’t know what the title of this blog will be, but it should be WASTED ENERGY!!! I went through my phone today and the other day to delete WASTED SPACE. There were quite a few folks that will NEVER be called again, so OUT OF THE PHONE and OFF OF THE COMPUTER they went. Then I got on Myspace and deleted a few ”friends” and deleted a few other folks off Facebook. I was on a roll, reclaiming my energy! LOL. *sigh* It’s later in the evening/morning and now I’m watching Happy Days & The Cosby Show. I can’t decide if I want to be white bread or toasted white bread. I find it curious how ”Happy Days” stayed on so long while maintaining a token black every other 30 episodes! There must have been no blacks in Milwaukee. Shit, an alien came from Ork and he couldn’t even be black. Well dang, no sooner said than done, here’s a token black guy.

Back to the subject. Folks. . . RECLAIM YOUR ENERGY!!! Don’t get phone numbers in clubs!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha. . . .

Dat’s My Nagin! (Topic Change)

Okay, Ray Nagin has got to be the funniest mayor on the planet. I thought some of the antics of Philly’s Mayor Street were interesting, but Ray wins the award. Not only does he say that Nawlins will be a ”chocolate” city by God’s will. If that’s not enough, we should know that ”God is mad at America” which is why He has sent so many hurricanes.

Now, that could be enough, but NOOOOOOOOOOO!! Instead of just sticking by what he said (i.e. no need for a crazy explanation), he decides to explain his statement this way. (paraphrased) What he meant was that if you mix dark chocolate with white chocolate, you get a tasty chocolate drink. Huh?!?!?!?!?

Ray, the statement wreaks of racism, even though I know what he was TRYING to say. We need to recognize that, if a white mayor had made that same comment (with the obvious substitution of whites instead of black), the NAACP and about 4 other permed-hair brothas would be bitching on Larry King!!

Anyway, I hope New Orleans will be rebuilt BETTER but inviting to all populations of people. New Orleans doesn’t get all of its flavor from the black community. You’ve got french influences, spanish influences, african influences, and a mix of everything in between!!! It’s a true gumbo!!!! Let’s not mess up the taste.

MySpace Blog 20060119

Ruminations On Friendship

Ahhh. . . the joys of public journals! My private journal is gather dusty bits (since it’s digital), but I find that my insatiable appetite for public opinion, at times, is far greater than my need to maintain mystery!

So, my latest thought. . . friendship and the circles we create. We make friends in school that become lifelong friends. These friendships may have started as far back as elementary school, for me it was junior high since I did elementary school in Philly. My two closest friends were met in junior high school and high school, respectively. I made many friends in high school and college, but the inner circle would certainly include these two. Now, here’s the interesting part. When we move away and our friends are miles or oceans away, we end up making new friends in new areas. Just by virtue of human nature, you may become closer with these new friends than you are with your old ones. I know there are some things that my old friends know nothing about. So, that brings us to the next ring of a growing set of concentric rings that will define this ”friendly” construct. This next ring includes those NEWER friends. This ring is small as well and could be mistaken for the innermost ring with the exception of the AGE of the ring.

Okay, to continue my ALL OVER THE PLACE rumination, let’s now consider the general nature of things. Folks NEED friends. People need People! l have many friends but not many in my inner rings. It amazes me how folks want to get in that inner ring with all the privileges and rights thereof :-) U like my fake legal talk don’t you?

I mean really. I have had so many incidences of ”newly made” friends wanting to know shit about me that I only share with a VERY SMALL FEW!!! Then, they’re all ”I thought we were close” and shit. Have we truly become a society completely on a NEED TO KNOW BASIS?!?!?!

I have a big question: what is a friend? I have slept with friends before. I have truly platonic friends. Of course, I’m speaking of the female ones right now. I have heard so many times that you CANNOT sleep with friends. One of my oldest females friends (24 years and running) and I still talk. We don’t have ”issues” and I’m even godfather to her daughter. There is love between us, but does she know ALL MY BUSINESS? No. So, is a friend someone on whom you can count no matter what? Is a friend someone who shows unconditional love? So what is a girlfriend or boyfriend? Can friends be lovers? Can two people in a committed relationship truly be BEST FRIENDS?

I’ve been thinking about the future of human relationships lately. Removing the gay angle, there is a lopsidedness between men and women. Unless a whole bunch of ladies start fighting wars, that shit aint gonna change. So, where does that leave the idea of marriage and monogamy? DISCLAIMER: PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG. I’M NOT ADVOCATING THE DEATH OF MARRIAGE AND MONOGAMIST RELATIONSHIPS. READ THESE NEXT LINES AS SIMPLE THOUGHTS!! Will woman start openly sharing men? Openly meaning that women will be content knowing they’re not the only one! (I know there’s some grammatical craziness with that sentence, but get over it) Will lesbianism take off (even more so)?? I swear. I turn a corner and there’s another woman tonguing another woman down. I have tried to chalk this up to the bicurious FAD, but I am given pause. I don’t have any strong opinions on homosexuality. If that’s your thing, then do it. I have to wonder though. Have women started looking attractive to other women because the male pool has gotten smaller? If there were 5 men or 1 woman, a dude wouldn’t start looking good to me. I’d just be a masturbating fool scratching to survive!! (hahahahahaha. . . where is that line from?)

Anyway, it’s MLK day; I didn’t feel like doing any work; and this is what 30-somethings ruminate about. Sue me and have a nice day....