Thoughts Internal: Opus VI

The Fucked Up Things People Say

There’s our topic for the night (or morning). I’ve managed to go through these decades allowing some of the most, for lack of a better way to put it, FUCKED UP things to be said to me. I don’t know if people have said them with some kind of silent malice or maybe they were attempting to be straight up nasty, but I was left wondering what it was that I did to warrant such comments.

There’s nothing like people who say things like, “Wow, I can’t believe YOU’RE getting married. My goodness. If you can do it, then I know I can do it!” Yeah, so in what bizarro world is this a compliment? It’s a purely backhanded compliment, at the very least. Yet, I don’t see it that way at all. It’s a FUCKED UP THING TO SAY! You can dance around it all day long. When you finally come around to evaluating a statement like that, you’ll reach the same conclusion.

Now....

Can I say that these comments are made by people whom I consider enemies? No. Can I somehow attribute these comments to drunken stupor or moments of herbal-induced madness? No. These folks are typically sane. They say what they say with a straight face. Sometimes, it’s said face to face, over the telephone, via text message, through email, by proxy, or even smoke signal.

And....

I have said nothing to these folks. Nope, not one word. I’ve sat silently, passive-aggressive behavior on full. Feel free to say whatever you want to me and I guess I’ll continue allowing you to.

Well....

Those days are over. It’s been a bit too long. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Acquaintances, associates, friends, really good friends, and even best friends are on notice. I am not taking any more shit!

But wait, it gets better....

Planning a wedding and deciding who you want there becomes an interesting task in practice. I wrote a blog a while back when the thought of getting married was just a distant thought, a distant possibility. Well, it’s October 4, 2008. The shit is real now. I’ve had to make some tough decisions regarding invites. How do you not invite a friend you’ve known for 30 years and invite someone you’ve know for 3 years? How do you cut an aunt and keep her child? Tight budgets and paying out of your own pocket bring very real truths to bear: everybody can’t be happy. Hell, everybody AINT GONNA BE HAPPY!

I recently re-read a response to Opus IV by a friend of mine. She recanted her original statement but it made an impression on me. It’s true. Some friends will not be invited and they will take umbrage and may feel a little less important in my life. And, I have to admit. I was briefly worried about this, but then I gave it some more thought. I’ve had many friends get married; I didn’t attend all of their weddings. I didn’t let the lack of an invitation diminish my feelings of friendship for them. I was happy for them regardless. You see, in my fucked up world, I believe that when you’re truly happy for someone, all that doesn’t matter. Thankfully, my friend sang a different tune in a later response. I think my anger would have found its way into an argument between us.

I used to think that it was my duty to make sure my friends became my fiancé’s friends. It’s not. If she introduces me to a man or woman whom I don’t like, I would like to believe that she’d recognize this contempt and not push the issue. We can’t like everyone. I’ve tried to force this issue with several different people at various times in my life with different significant others. I’ve always found that people have tried to assert their perceived importance in my life. I had a rather big argument with a sista about 5 years ago about this very topic. She couldn’t quite understand why one friend of mine was able to visit whenever and why I would rearrange my schedule to accommodate these visits. However, when it came to her (the self-professed important person), such concessions were never made.

You Aint Her!!!!

This seems like a pretty simple concept but some folks don’t get it. To quote a basketball aphorism, “Play Your Position!”

Nuff said.

Now let me go through my email archives and find some more examples of fucked up things said to me. I may have to shout those people out by name to make the next installment more interesting!!

Goodnight :-)