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Ahhhh. . . today finds me in a special mood. I am remembering thoughts that I had several months ago regarding me NOT being single anymore (and by the way, I’m still single). The thoughts went like this:

If I had a girlfriend, would I still have so many (female) friends?

My answer. . . probably not and most of them would be pissed off and never talk to me again.

That seemed a bit harsh to me and I thought: if they were TRULY friends, they’d be happy for my happiness. LOL. I think I feel my naivete is acting up again! ”As long as you’re single Mike, you won’t have any problems with any of them.” That shouldn’t necessarily be in quotes but it’s a thought that was expressed by a FRIEND of mine. Ha!

Well, here’s where I get a little venty!! (yeah, that’s not a word, but fuck it)

It constantly amazes me how, throughout my ”casual” history with women, I’ve seen some of the same behaviors exhibited in them. For example, most women would ”deal” with me until something better came along. What do I mean by better? Well, if they were looking to settle down and I wasn’t on that page (WITH THEM), then something better would be a guy who wanted to date, exclusively. Now, when that would happen, do you think I’d get a phone call, email, IM, blog, or a fucking BOO to say that OUR status was changed? HELL NO! How did I typically find out that ”she” was in a relationship? It was usually by some haphazard event like running into her at the supermarket or a chance phone call to set up a date. Then it’s like, ”oh yeah, I’ve been seeing someone!” Well, thanks for letting a brotha know. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been blowing up your phone/email/text had I known.

. . . there’s a bit of the passive aggressiveness going around . . .

I would be the LAST person to say that I don’t have P.A. tendencies. I hate conflict and hate confrontation even more. I avoid both like the drunken broad in the club. Nope, no sir! I’ll be having none of that C&C with my salmon. Thank you very much! However, I do know this much. When I get boo’d up, I let folks know. It’s only fair. I don’t want them calling me @ 1am while I’m laying in my woman’s arms on the couch. That aint cute! I certainly don’t want a surprise visit while we’re cooking dinner together. Or, lawd knows, I aint trying to run into an old ”friend” (who doesn’t know the current status) while out at some dressy function with my sexy-somethin! NOPE! NOT PRETTY!!!

In any event, having said all that, people never disappoint me. They’re always those who act like they’re truly concerned with your happiness but in fact they’re only concerned with their own. My years of putting everyone else’s feelings above mine are over! I’m not going to turn into a selfish prick. No, never that! I do think that I deserve a little selfishness every now and then.

. . . was there a point to this. . . I mean. . . really . . .

No point. THESE ARE JUST RUMINATIONS PEOPLE. . . DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL!

...later that day ...

Topic: Doing your best to show people how wonderful are. . . .

I just read an email message from a friend and she mentioned always showing the guy she’s dating how wonderful he is (versus him showing her, I suppose). That got me thinking. In an ideal situation, there would be two people making sure that EACH knew how wonderful they are/were (verb tense, not my specialty). Right?

. . . DOES THAT HAPPEN IN PRACTICE. . .

I remember someone telling me that I tend to ”take over” during sex so I shouldn’t complain when I’m not getting the attention that I want. Valid point, I thought. But, if I didn’t take over, who would? LOL. At the end of the day, we want a mutual thing going on, a happy medium where everyone gets what they need and want. But. . . .

. . . DOES THAT HAPPEN IN PRACTICE. . .

Will you cook dinner 3 times this week and 4 times next week? Will you reassure me that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you? Will I do the same? I’ve been privy to intimate details of a few marriages and I think I have ”some” idea of where things start (or can start) to break down. One of the biggies is when folks stop feeling appreciated. Am I needy if I want to hear ”I Love You” once a day? Is she needy if she wants you to support her sorority events every month? What is needy?

. . . THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW. . .

Think back. . . yeah, you. . . think back to the beginnings of your past relationships. Would you say that both parties were ON IT? Him with the flowers, you with the sweet loving (and perhaps dinner). Him with the car door and compliments. You with the constant cuteness and attentiveness. Toward the middle of said relationship, was there an obvious degradation of the ”ON IT”-ness? (gotta love the ability to manipulate the English language into so many incarnations – is any other language this way) Toward the end, were you or he any LESS needy?

I remember being the star boyfriend in the beginning of all my relationships. Attentive. Loving. Never forgetting those special dates. Then towards the middle, I started having feelings of ”what about me” and ”is it my turn to lay back and enjoy myself?” By the end, it was more about ”how can I get out of this” and ” is looking kind of good these days; it’s time to be SINGLE!” In my case, I can say that my needs were not being met. Given that I’ve been the initiator of these break-ups, it’s hard to say that their needs weren’t being met. For the most part, my ex’s seemed happy up until the final blow. (couldn’t think of a better way to put that)

. . . OOPS. . . TOO MUCH DIGRESSION. . .

How does one maintain equality of satisfaction? Is this a mystery of life? I’ve ”chased” every woman I’ve wanted to date. I imagine that women who have wanted to date me might feel like they’ve chased me (this is assuming I wasn’t interested in them that way). During the chase, it’s such an unforgiving and sometimes not fulfilling time. You’re trying to make the other person notice you, want you, need you. Meanwhile, they’re sitting back sipping on a cocktail with their feet up. Skrait chillin and shit. You’re all sweated the fuck up, working to get them. Then you get them. . . do you kick back? Some folks do. Honestly, we all know this to be true. But, NO, you shouldn’t. You’ve got to maintain that garden. You’ve got to be ON IT!!! I know the rules. I know what makes a successful relationship (even though I can’t say that I’ve had many). I know the do’s and don’ts.

Do. . . let your man/woman know how important they are to you Don’t. . . let them forget it Do. . . support them in whatever they want to pursue Don’t. . . look elsewhere for that support Do. . . fuck’em like it’s the first time Don’t. . . roll over and say, ”a’ight, let’s get this over with” Do. . . cook them a special meal, at least, once a week Don’t. . . make them feel obligated to cook for your ass (all the time) Do. . . leave little notes to say I LOVE YOU Don’t. . . forget how to say it verbally Do. . . let your feelings be known Don’t. . . hurt their’s in the process etc, etc, etc. . . .

I know this! But, whew, in practice. . . .

Anyway. . . just food for thought! More ramblings from the ruminator!!!

Peace. . . .