Yes, it has been a minute since I blogged. It's certainly not for lack of material but more lack of motivation. I also realized that a lot of my blogs were venting rants and I'm currently in a state of matured bliss :-)
It's been 7 months in this newfound happiness and I am feeling blessed! There are days when it's very easy and then there are those other days. I can only imagine how marriage is (no plans for that just yet, so don't ask).
Hmmm...now there's a good topic :-)
Marriage!!!
People, friends and the like, can be funny to me. A lot of people have a recipe-mentality when it comes to dating, relationships, marriage, etc. Add this and that, bake for a few months, and voila, something! I'm not afraid to state that I'm in love. It may be for the first time (or second time or third time) but I do know this. This woman of mine makes me smile. Even when I want to strangle her, I want to do it with a smile. Hahahahahahaha...that sounds kind of crazy! I should reword that :-) I crack me up!
Seriously folks....
I'm not sure why people think that a few months of dating equals wedding bells. The typical nonsense that dribbles out of their lips goes like this: "y'all have been dating for several months; you love her and she loves you; when's the wedding?" I have a penis and she's got a vagina, should we see about making a baby too?!?!? Ludicrous I tell ya! Love is not on a time line and neither should marriage be. When (and not if) I pop the question, it'll be because the time is right and not a day sooner! To me, marriage is a life-changing (for the better) event and not to be entered into simply because other folks think it's ABOUT TIME! Do I feel like I need to wait another 5 years (arbitrary time period -- relax) before popping the question? No, not at all. Will it happen tomorrow? Most likely not. I pray about these things. I know God will guide that decision. Surely if I could manage to go THIS LONG without (truly) having THIS FEELING, I can wait for God to say, "okay, it's time!"
And, while we're talking about marriage....
I have contended recently that weddings are simply big shows that people put on for their friends. A lot of the simplicity, elegant simplicity, is gone! Me, I don't need a big extravagant wedding. I'd like to get married in a church with my closest friends and family there. Now, what do I mean by closest friends? While I know a lot of people, I have no compunction about NOT inviting people. I have heard of people inviting ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends to their weddings as well as nieces of great uncles twice removed on the father's side. What's the point? I love you all but y'all aint all getting invited to the wedding. Feel some kind of way about it or not; that's just the plain truth. Someone once told me (and I'm sure you too) that "everybody aint happy for you!" At the same time, what's the point of the HUGE invitation list? Accumulation of gifts? I have more than I need. What about that large wedding party? HA! I'd be good if my two best buddies from high school stood up with me and that's it! Nothing against the other guys I know. They've been most like brothers to me.
**** pay attention to that FAMILY concept ****
My lady has asked me about my female friends and whom I would invite. Again, I have many of them but I would most likely only invite 2 or 3 for very particular reasons. Nothing against the others but that's what I would want. If you're reading this Stacy, you know you're at the top of the list ;-)
**** let's get back on topic...shall we ****
A church, a small assembly of friends and family, and a BANGIN reception!!! I have been asked why I feel so connected to THIS PARTICULAR GIRLFRIEND and I would have to say it's because we think so much alike about so many things. It's like we stare at the spectrograms (those pictures that look like a bunch of nothing until you let your eyes relax) and see the same images ALL THE TIME! (think: finishing each other's sentences) How many folks @ the wedding? No more than 100 and that could be cut down even further if we keep the mothers from inviting all of THEIR friends! The reception must-haves:
(1) liquor
(2) great food
(3) great dj -- cuz phuck all that NOT DANCING AT THE RECEPTION nonsense
The ceremony must-haves:
(1) traditional vows
(2) lighting of the unity candles
(3) blessing of the rings
(4) jumping of the broom
Now, we do have some disagreements. LOL! I see no reason for a string quartet but that's just me! 2 or 3 groomsmen and 2 or 3 bridesmaids -- CHECK!
THERE...in case you don't get an invitation, now you know what the wedding will be like :-)
**** Okay...enough wedding talk...my head is hurting ****
Well, folks, hopefully more to come. Maybe...maybe not! As usual, this is CC'd on my uniqpoet.blogspot.com site :-) Let the SLOWWWWW weaning (off of myspace) begin. LOL
Peace,
Me.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Thoughts Internal: Opus III
I guess I'm not sleepy yet. This is going to be one of those "why aint everybody into deep house like me" conversations. It comes up every time I'm preparing to dj. It's hard to indulge your hobby when there's a little bit of PAIN involved.In an ideal world, the club that I dj at would draw a crowd that's into many different kinds of music. They'd be adept at keeping their feet moving to the beat no matter the BPM. They'd want to here some Talib Kweli and some Blaze. They'd be good with 4Hero and Jill Scott. I could drop "Pick Up The Pieces" and "Floetic."
Yes, this would truly be nice. Having Serato Scratch Live at my beck and call makes painting my sonic canvas a true joy. What sucks is that with all these vibrant colors, there are only a few patterns that are appreciated. I can't do some impressionist and a little cubist. Nope, that will never do. (you'd think I was an art major, right) It seems that the "sheep" (as I call them) will only follow a shepherd feeding them the same bullshit they've been eating for years. That meal has to be served up 24/7 from a Viacom media source or some other conglomerate. Thank God for my iPod and my thirst for aural pleasures beyond the soundscape of FM. I'd even thank God for satellite radio. At least, for a price, they're venturing out and embracing the "give the customer what they want" adage.
I am often tempted to go in one night and just ignore the floor and the constant flow of flirty girls who want to hear the latest-greatest radio crap or video song (those are songs that would most likely get NO ATTENTION if it were not for the HOT VIDEO accompaniment). Yes, I would play some Stevie Wonder and Chaka Khan. I'd drop some jazzy house goodness from Kevin Yost with a nice acapella from Monique Bingham. I would flood the club with some Jean Grae goodness and some Talib Kweli creativity. MC's who know how to EMCEE would be the flavor of the day. I'd take them to Jamaica (although I've never been) and let them wine dem bottee for hours. Let the walls drip with sweat after a little reggaeton and follow it up with some baby-making music courtesy of a REAL vocalist: Prince, Maxwell, or the late great Luther.
What would make this all so very perfect is that I'd play GOOD MUSIC and the people would love it. They'd dance to it or just nod their heads. They'd enjoy themselves and wouldn't complain. If something played that they had never heard before, they'd LISTEN and LEARN. They would revolt at the mere playing of the ludicrously mundane radio-friendly set. They would thirst for the NEW and hunger for a little of the OLD. They would cast off the shackles of sonic mediocrity and embrace the possibilities of true artistry. There would never be a request for Lil This or Young That. The night would never find itself wrapped in words like "bitch" or "shawty" or "rims" or any other colorful southern (sorry to say it) dialectal garbage.
I live in this fantasy land with others. I'm not the only one who feels that the club should be a place where folks can let loose and be free. In this Utopian vision of the club, folks would get a little of what the radio plays, but they'd be open to so much more! They'd want, expect, and demand SO MUCH MORE! Perhaps we're just a bunch of old heads clinging onto a past time. Perhaps we need to move aside and let the commercial media machine do its job of creating mindless music automatons clamoring for what amounts to aural abuse.
Maybe I'm just a bit too dramatic! Hell, folks are still wondering why these blogs don't have any poetry in them! LOL.
Peace...4 Now!
Thoughts Internal: Opus II
Ahhh...it's been a long time, since I left you, without a strong BLOG to read to....
Yes, I went there!! I took a HOT Rakim line and made it slightly corny but that's what I do from time to time: make hot shit corny! So sue me!!!
I've been away from the blog world for several reasons. Well, I got a significant other and she's been taking up a LOT of my time. Also, I haven't been in a purely drunken stupor that usually inspires me to blog. And, there hasn't been anything truly bizarre to either piss me off or get my muse up off her ass!!!
Well...all that is about to change (except for the significant other...we're doing just fine).
*** WARNING ***
I'll warn you now. Some of this blog will be controversial and either incite a riot or some great HONEST replies from all of my Myspace friends who take the time to read my rantings.
*** WARNING OVER ***
Let's start with something fairly light. GIRLFRIEND vs. FRIEND vs. LADY!
So, me and my lady (as she will be referred to throughout this blog) head up for a cookout in Maryland. It's an old friend of mine from UD and he was turning 38. What better age to mark than by a cookout with family and friends :-) Right?!?!? Yeah! In any event, I had plans that weekend to Dj but I gave up that date leaving me free that Saturday. Out of the blue, my lady says, "why don't we head up to your friend's cookout this weekend and maybe stop by your parent's house." I'm thinking, "sure, why not. We can even go to church with my parents since my Mom's been wanting us to go." (SIDENOTE: She has already met my parents so this aint a big deal)
We get to church and after service my mother's introducing her. The introduction goes like this. "This is Michael's friend...." That struck me as odd since I was always used to hearing my mother say girlfriend. (or maybe I THOUGHT I heard the girl part) Well, the brain juices got to churning. And that begged the question:
WHEN DO YOU START REFERRING TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND (OR BOYFRIEND) VERSUS YOUR WOMAN (OR LADY) OR MAN (OR GUY)?
Am I too old to have a girlfriend? Surely she couldn't refer to her as my fiancé. Perhaps folks would have looked at my mother strangely had she called this, clearly adult, woman a girl. I don't know. It's not a DEEP issue for sure, but I wanted to get some other perspectives. When you're dating someone, how do you refer to them to friends and family? Hell, that begs another question: WHEN WILL THE TERM 'BOO' GO AWAY?!!?!? Little kids are called Boo. Grown men are sometimes called Boo. Ghosts say that shit when they want to scare you. Is that REALLY supposed to be some kind of term of endearment?
Sidetrack...I've had some interesting nicknames for girlfriends. There was Boompi. That got used twice. Please don't tell them. There was smoochie. Sweetie, which is now a default term used for any female. And, dumplin! Where do these colorful pet names come from? Eh...just a thought.
****
So, I'm listening to a song by Jay-Z (yeah, don't tell anyone) and he's talking about how 30's the new 20. Then I am watching some show where folks are getting interviewed on the street. And they're talking about how 30's the new 20. Some have even said that 40's the new 30. If this is the case, what are the 20's? The new teens? My lady is a 20-something. Yup, don't tell anybody, especially after I dogged the 20-somethings out in a prior blog. If I'm in my 20's, is she in her teens? That just sounds gross!
The TV story went on to say how folks in their 30's aren't behaving like "typical" 30-somethings. We're going to clubs and staying out late. We're buying homes but not settling down. With all this disposable income (sike), we're buying the latest toys from ipods to playstations to segways. We're dressing in the latest casual wear and we have no intentions on giving up our Toys R Us kid status. Is this true? From what I have gathered from my time in 30-something land (6+ years deep in it), we are under constant self-scrutiny. We're obsessed with anachronistic comparisons to our parents. We have a strong phobia of marriage and we've made debt our new best friend. Take all that and add a little dab of general neurosis and you've got the makings for a NUT JOB!!! Plain and simple! People in their 30's have way too much ridiculousness in their lives to be running around as if they were still 20-something.
Let's think about it. In your 20's, you were carefree. You had your whole life ahead of you. If you were fortunate, you went to college, got a decent job, and started living the "good life." You were feeling a little more independent from the stranglehold of parental influence (sike). You may have purchased your first house or moved into your first furnished-by-you apartment. Life seemed grand, full of hope and wonderful possibilities. But then...just around the corner...the reality smackdown of the 30's hit you like a ton of bricks. Those pains in the morning when you got out of bed. That slight bulge down below that wasn't JUST that bulge down below! Those Bally's commercials felt like a loud innuendo ringing in your ear constantly as your scarfed down another Krispy Kreme donut. Those commercials that asked if you were born between the years blank and blank seemed to be getting closer and closer to YOUR RANGE. And, with all that, you're (I'm) supposed to believe that I'm really living my 20's all over again?!?!!? METHINKS NOT!
My female friends who are in their 30's will tell you quickly that they're NOT in their 20's. They (most of them) don't dress like the 20-somethings nor act like the 20-somethings. Now the men, they're a different story. Most are still chasing women like they did when they were in their 20's (I was one of them). Most are thinking about marriage like it's a distant consideration like they did in their 20's. And, some are even dressing like the 20-something men!!! GOD HELP THEM!!! That was CERTAINLY not me!!! Long white tee's and shorts that can aptly substitute for pants (to me) are not my habillement de choix (hope my translator got that right).
Oh well, any thoughts?
***
Well, now the controversial shit. It's amazing that this country is well over 200 years old and race is STILL an issue. Hell, if we think about when the first folks got here (ummm...not the native Americans that were already here), it's about 400 years old. I'd really like someone to tell me how it can be a worldwide phenomena. That's another issue though. Nope, this discussion is about something a little more tangible: dating white (or dating black, if you're white). I was having a very spirited conversation with a friend about brothas dating white women and sistas dating white men. She was not having any of that!! "We have a hard enough time finding a good man without having to compete against the white girls too." I've heard the sistas decry "Fuck that shit!!" They aint having it! When ever I'd go out with this friend and we'd see a "mixed" couple (mainly a brotha with a white woman), her face would get all twisted up. I'd tell her, "what does it matter? You're out with me!" But she always declare, "I hate that shit." Or, "I'm upset for the sistas who aint out with a black man." I couldn't get her to let it go. She'd inevitably ask me how I felt about white men dating black women. I didn't like it either. I had different reasons though. I'd save it for later, but I guess I should say them now while they're fresh in my mind. You know I'm getting old.
My goddaughter's mother, a very old and dear friend of mine, started dating a white guy. I hit the ceiling. I was LIVID. My objection? I said to her, "I don't want my young (at the time) goddaughter getting the impression that black men aint shit." My whole ideology at the time was that black kids need to see black family units with a black mother and a black father. Mix up that equation and all hell will break loose. Again, this was my thinking at that time (almost 10+ years now). I stopped speaking to her for a few years because I couldn't get over it (or maybe myself). So fast forward, I'm talking to my friend and she's going on and on about the black family and how its destruction is the cause of so many of our problems today. These kids need a family with a strong black mother and a strong black father! PERIOD!!! I agree with her to an extent. Kids need a mother and a father. No doubt. No matter what color/race they are. Family is important. But what difference does it make if the mother is white and the father is black or vice versa. Nope, she wasn't trying to hear that either! If we are to correct the ills of black folks, we need to first start with that basic structure: black man, black woman. Now, I have to interject here. In this conversation, I was playing the devil's advocate. A lot of what she was saying, I agreed with and believed, but I wanted to make the conversation interesting. We'll get to MY VIEWS later.
So, here's what I usually here from sistas. "Black men get successful and they go running to a white woman!" I won't use the colorful terms that they usually say. "Why is it that y'all get a degree and forget about the black women that got you through it all?" Now, there's a good question. I've seen, on TV, many cases where a brotha is a CEO or a ball player or big time attorney and there's Susie Sally Homemaker on his arm: blond hair, blue eyes, and proud! My friend went on to talk about how white women specifically go after successful black men. My rebuttal was, "why would they go after unsuccessful men?" There are obvious differences between sistas and white women but I refuse to believe that sistas aren't going after successful brothas as well! So she remarked, "yeah, and y'all end up picking the white girl!" I had to think about a comeback to that one. And I got to thinking back to when I moved to Delaware....
I left the blackness of Philly to live in the mostly white environment of Wilmington. My school was about 70% white (if not more). Now, I'm around white girls and black girls. Whereas I had no particular affection or affinity for white women in Philly, I began developing one in Delaware. Why? I was around them all the time! I was in all AP classes. How many sistas were there? 1, maybe 2. Who wore the short skirts, usually? White girls. Who were so "friendly" and touchy-feely? The white girls. When I left for college, I was around them again. However, UD had a something else going on: a strong racial divide. With the KKK headquarters only 30 miles aways, skinheads starting to organize and just plain old racial bullshit (that happens whenever and wherever), there wasn't too much "mixing" going on. Then I got to Charlottesville. VA...the cradle of the confederacy. And, the FEVER was rampant. Tommy J's university seemed to embrace interracial coupling. The local population seemed to be totally immersed in it. It was OKAY! So, in my upwardly mobile position as a grad student, was I inclined to fuck/date/marry a white woman? They're in abundance. If my theory (oh yeah, that was a theory I was trying to develop with all that talk about high school girls) was to hold up that black men end up, somehow, surrounded by white (or non-black) women when they get in "certain" higher positions and that's why they may gravitate toward them, I needed to show how I too was so moved or be able to show some other examples!
I couldn't. Really.
That got me thinking about another perspective. Something really simple. We can't say that all black men of 'higher substance' prefer white women. We can't say that white women are out to get them some chocolate, at all costs. We can't say that any more than we can say that white men pursue black women because of some inborn desire that hearkens back to the good old days of slavery. Nope. Maybe some men have a preference for certain women! I brought up this example: dating someone who's not college-educated.
Sista bitch and moan about the number of good/worthy/eligible black men. So, I say, "most of y'all limit your scope right away!" If there are a 100 eligible black men and 90 of them are non-college-degree-holders, then you're down to just 10. Of that 10, which ones are attractive to you (on any level). As a black man, I have (had) it easy right? I could pick and choose, but what I used to say was this. Just because you have 1000 to pick from, that doesn't mean that 1000 are good/worthy/eligible. What it means is that I have a little more wiggle room in the compromise department. Whereas a sista wouldn't look twice at a dude with bad breath (if the ratio was in their favor), now they have to think about that dude (and getting him some eclipse gum). Men, however, don't have to make such concessions. Bad breath, NEXT! Kids, NEXT! No college degree, NEXT! And the list goes on. We're not going to get into a pissing contest about who's got it worse. Women do, black women especially.
Back to the topic....
I guess I want to know a couple of things. I have black and white female friends in this Myspace circle. I'd like to hear some honest answers or discussion. We're all adult and we know how to DISCUSS without being RUDE! Why do some black men end up with white women when they're successful? Also, why can't we consider that some of these same black men dated white women BEFORE they were successful. Kobe (asshole) married a woman that he'd been dating since high school. He didn't just pick her up once he got a Lakers jersey! I have heard on MANY occasions that sistas end up with white men out of pure desperation. Is that true? I'm sure my white brothers have other redeeming qualities beyond being the ONLY thing left. I've heard things like, "white men treat you better." I've heard, "that myth about them having small dicks aint true!" (well, DUH, it's a MYTH) I have friends who are fed up with brothas and "their games" and have moved on to the greener pastures of white men.
What I find interesting is that this phenomena is mainly a white-black thing. Chinese folks stick to their own. Indian (east not native american) folks stick to their own. Hell, Mexicans stick to their own. My friend made a point that these groups are doing well because they had/have that central structure: a chinese/mexican/indian mother and a chinese/mexican/indian father. If we, as black people, are to get ourselves together we need to start there! I do agree, wholeheartedly, but a part of me wants to remind her and others that WE don't have a similar history or background like these folks. We have over 400 years of slavery, not just oppression, but SLAVERY ingrained in us. That shit is ENCODED! Our thinking and the thinking that we pass on to our children, in many ways, was placed there over 400 years ago. That's sad! Let's look at our other black brothas and sistas. Ethiopians marry Ethiopians. Egyptians marry Egyptians. Nigerians (tend to) marry Nigerians. Ghanaians tend to marry...well you get the point. In some cases, these groups pass down very strong objections to marrying outside of the race/group/color. Why is it that we have such a big problem with it here? Which is right?
Well, I've done a brain dump and I apologize if some of this made NO sense whatsoever or if I lost you (or my point) at times. My blogs have never come with a disclaimer of lucidity, brevity, or consistency. It is what it is!
Oh yeah, go check out your boy Dj Izm Friday (8/3/07) and Saturday (8/4/07) at Club R2/Rapture on the Downtown Mall in Charlottesville, VA. I had to do the shameless plug!!!!
***
Ha...I thought I was done! I'm not. I haven't said a thing about the joys of dating again (and some of the not-joys). I guess I've never been one to jump and shout about my dating situation when my friends (majority female) are single and looking. I feel like it's rubbing their noses in it, but that's why there's the option to NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!!!
Having had a 5 year break from dating, I'd have to say that I'm enjoying being IN IT again. I've blogged about dating (monogamously) before. I've talked about what's good about it and what can be bad about it, so I don't want to repeat myself. Instead, I'd like to talk about the funny things (good and bad) that go along with dating (for me). Most of these observations are probably ONLY relevant to ME but there are a few that are universal. Let's do one of those first.
ONCE IN A RELATIONSHIP, OLD FLAMES COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND FOLKS START TO LOOK AT YOU DIFFERENTLY!!!
I could go to the SAME bar/club for 4 years as a single man and not get HALF the attention that I get NOW having a lady on my arm. All the cuties in the Ville manage to somehow START coming out when I (you) get someone special. You could be, oh I don't know, at a bar in New York City and get flirted with (on) constantly by people you wouldn't normally receive such attention from. Random women walking down the street seem to wink at you (in their own way) more when you're with your woman. I'm not going to ask WHY IS THAT. I know why. I'm just making an observation.
Folks with whom I haven't spoken in years have managed to "find" my number all of a sudden. I can't begin to tell you how many phone calls and emails I received the DAY after I became a plural :-) I'm talking about years of NO COMMUNICATION and BLAMMMM, there they are. It's like dogs catching a scent. SNIFF SNIFF..."uh oh, Michael's not single anymore!" Too funny!!!
When you've been single for a long time, you forget some basic things. For instance, weekends aren't just for YOU anymore :-) I've never been a hang out with the guys every night kind of person. I usually socialize with one dude and we hit the streets hard every now and then. The rest of the time, I'm indulging one of my hobbies. Get a woman and that changes slightly. Time to start thinking about DATE things to do. This all seems rather banal but you'd be surprised. When you're single, you definitely get in a mindset. Your time is your own. Sharing? HA!! What's that?!?!? What's less obvious is how much time you'll spend with your SINGLE friends. For a myriad of reasons, you find yourself out with the single set a LOT LESS. One, they're out looking for some trouble to get into. Your days of that are OVER. Two, they're probably going to tire of hearing about your adventures with your ONE woman. And lastly, your "plus one" will most likely be hemming up most of your time anyway :-) But, does that mean that you'll be relegated to either one-on-one dates with your mate OR the obligatory double-date? *sigh* Are these ever fun? You and the guy chat about your women and the women chat about the latest sale at Macy's. LOL! WHOA...was that sexist?!?!?! Down boy...down!
Dating someone significant means that damn near EVERYBODY wants to ask about or bring up marriage. It comes up so frequently that I have to wonder if most folks are sincere. Let me explain.
Since a lot of my recent friends (as of 5-10 years) may have not seen me in a relationship and have a strong impression that I'm not the "relationship type," they keep that skeptical "this won't last very long" look on their faces and in their speech. "So, when's the wedding," they ask with a loud doubtful undertone. "Oh, so you're in love now," they quip as if the thought is so far-fetched that they'd sooner believe in martians invading us. Every now and then, you get a sincere inquiry. "So, are you happy?" Now, that's a sincere straightforward question. "So, are you happy now" sounds more like that bullshit I was talking about earlier. Why would I be happy NOW as if I weren't happy before and I only got in a relationship to be HAPPY! Happiness doesn't follow from the instantiation of a relationship!!!! *sigh*
I'd rather folks didn't ask or comment. Shit, just say hello to me! I tire quickly of the pretenders who want to know "where's your girl at" or "how's married life?" Give me a break. I aint married. My lady is at where she's at! Nuff said on that subject.
Overall, I wouldn't want to draw a picture of complete and utter bliss. A relationship is what you make it. I've always known it to be hard work that's very fulfilling and rewarding with the RIGHT PERSON! Single life is/was fun. Dating life is (and has always been) great! I don't knock either one, but for those who are dying from a burning curiosity, YES, I'm VERY HAPPY! Are there wedding bells in the future? Well, of course there are. Are they ringing for me and my new love? Only time will tell...but that wouldn't be a bad thing ;-)
Goodnight and Peace!
Yes, I went there!! I took a HOT Rakim line and made it slightly corny but that's what I do from time to time: make hot shit corny! So sue me!!!
I've been away from the blog world for several reasons. Well, I got a significant other and she's been taking up a LOT of my time. Also, I haven't been in a purely drunken stupor that usually inspires me to blog. And, there hasn't been anything truly bizarre to either piss me off or get my muse up off her ass!!!
Well...all that is about to change (except for the significant other...we're doing just fine).
*** WARNING ***
I'll warn you now. Some of this blog will be controversial and either incite a riot or some great HONEST replies from all of my Myspace friends who take the time to read my rantings.
*** WARNING OVER ***
Let's start with something fairly light. GIRLFRIEND vs. FRIEND vs. LADY!
So, me and my lady (as she will be referred to throughout this blog) head up for a cookout in Maryland. It's an old friend of mine from UD and he was turning 38. What better age to mark than by a cookout with family and friends :-) Right?!?!? Yeah! In any event, I had plans that weekend to Dj but I gave up that date leaving me free that Saturday. Out of the blue, my lady says, "why don't we head up to your friend's cookout this weekend and maybe stop by your parent's house." I'm thinking, "sure, why not. We can even go to church with my parents since my Mom's been wanting us to go." (SIDENOTE: She has already met my parents so this aint a big deal)
We get to church and after service my mother's introducing her. The introduction goes like this. "This is Michael's friend...." That struck me as odd since I was always used to hearing my mother say girlfriend. (or maybe I THOUGHT I heard the girl part) Well, the brain juices got to churning. And that begged the question:
WHEN DO YOU START REFERRING TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER AS YOUR GIRLFRIEND (OR BOYFRIEND) VERSUS YOUR WOMAN (OR LADY) OR MAN (OR GUY)?
Am I too old to have a girlfriend? Surely she couldn't refer to her as my fiancé. Perhaps folks would have looked at my mother strangely had she called this, clearly adult, woman a girl. I don't know. It's not a DEEP issue for sure, but I wanted to get some other perspectives. When you're dating someone, how do you refer to them to friends and family? Hell, that begs another question: WHEN WILL THE TERM 'BOO' GO AWAY?!!?!? Little kids are called Boo. Grown men are sometimes called Boo. Ghosts say that shit when they want to scare you. Is that REALLY supposed to be some kind of term of endearment?
Sidetrack...I've had some interesting nicknames for girlfriends. There was Boompi. That got used twice. Please don't tell them. There was smoochie. Sweetie, which is now a default term used for any female. And, dumplin! Where do these colorful pet names come from? Eh...just a thought.
****
So, I'm listening to a song by Jay-Z (yeah, don't tell anyone) and he's talking about how 30's the new 20. Then I am watching some show where folks are getting interviewed on the street. And they're talking about how 30's the new 20. Some have even said that 40's the new 30. If this is the case, what are the 20's? The new teens? My lady is a 20-something. Yup, don't tell anybody, especially after I dogged the 20-somethings out in a prior blog. If I'm in my 20's, is she in her teens? That just sounds gross!
The TV story went on to say how folks in their 30's aren't behaving like "typical" 30-somethings. We're going to clubs and staying out late. We're buying homes but not settling down. With all this disposable income (sike), we're buying the latest toys from ipods to playstations to segways. We're dressing in the latest casual wear and we have no intentions on giving up our Toys R Us kid status. Is this true? From what I have gathered from my time in 30-something land (6+ years deep in it), we are under constant self-scrutiny. We're obsessed with anachronistic comparisons to our parents. We have a strong phobia of marriage and we've made debt our new best friend. Take all that and add a little dab of general neurosis and you've got the makings for a NUT JOB!!! Plain and simple! People in their 30's have way too much ridiculousness in their lives to be running around as if they were still 20-something.
Let's think about it. In your 20's, you were carefree. You had your whole life ahead of you. If you were fortunate, you went to college, got a decent job, and started living the "good life." You were feeling a little more independent from the stranglehold of parental influence (sike). You may have purchased your first house or moved into your first furnished-by-you apartment. Life seemed grand, full of hope and wonderful possibilities. But then...just around the corner...the reality smackdown of the 30's hit you like a ton of bricks. Those pains in the morning when you got out of bed. That slight bulge down below that wasn't JUST that bulge down below! Those Bally's commercials felt like a loud innuendo ringing in your ear constantly as your scarfed down another Krispy Kreme donut. Those commercials that asked if you were born between the years blank and blank seemed to be getting closer and closer to YOUR RANGE. And, with all that, you're (I'm) supposed to believe that I'm really living my 20's all over again?!?!!? METHINKS NOT!
My female friends who are in their 30's will tell you quickly that they're NOT in their 20's. They (most of them) don't dress like the 20-somethings nor act like the 20-somethings. Now the men, they're a different story. Most are still chasing women like they did when they were in their 20's (I was one of them). Most are thinking about marriage like it's a distant consideration like they did in their 20's. And, some are even dressing like the 20-something men!!! GOD HELP THEM!!! That was CERTAINLY not me!!! Long white tee's and shorts that can aptly substitute for pants (to me) are not my habillement de choix (hope my translator got that right).
Oh well, any thoughts?
***
Well, now the controversial shit. It's amazing that this country is well over 200 years old and race is STILL an issue. Hell, if we think about when the first folks got here (ummm...not the native Americans that were already here), it's about 400 years old. I'd really like someone to tell me how it can be a worldwide phenomena. That's another issue though. Nope, this discussion is about something a little more tangible: dating white (or dating black, if you're white). I was having a very spirited conversation with a friend about brothas dating white women and sistas dating white men. She was not having any of that!! "We have a hard enough time finding a good man without having to compete against the white girls too." I've heard the sistas decry "Fuck that shit!!" They aint having it! When ever I'd go out with this friend and we'd see a "mixed" couple (mainly a brotha with a white woman), her face would get all twisted up. I'd tell her, "what does it matter? You're out with me!" But she always declare, "I hate that shit." Or, "I'm upset for the sistas who aint out with a black man." I couldn't get her to let it go. She'd inevitably ask me how I felt about white men dating black women. I didn't like it either. I had different reasons though. I'd save it for later, but I guess I should say them now while they're fresh in my mind. You know I'm getting old.
My goddaughter's mother, a very old and dear friend of mine, started dating a white guy. I hit the ceiling. I was LIVID. My objection? I said to her, "I don't want my young (at the time) goddaughter getting the impression that black men aint shit." My whole ideology at the time was that black kids need to see black family units with a black mother and a black father. Mix up that equation and all hell will break loose. Again, this was my thinking at that time (almost 10+ years now). I stopped speaking to her for a few years because I couldn't get over it (or maybe myself). So fast forward, I'm talking to my friend and she's going on and on about the black family and how its destruction is the cause of so many of our problems today. These kids need a family with a strong black mother and a strong black father! PERIOD!!! I agree with her to an extent. Kids need a mother and a father. No doubt. No matter what color/race they are. Family is important. But what difference does it make if the mother is white and the father is black or vice versa. Nope, she wasn't trying to hear that either! If we are to correct the ills of black folks, we need to first start with that basic structure: black man, black woman. Now, I have to interject here. In this conversation, I was playing the devil's advocate. A lot of what she was saying, I agreed with and believed, but I wanted to make the conversation interesting. We'll get to MY VIEWS later.
So, here's what I usually here from sistas. "Black men get successful and they go running to a white woman!" I won't use the colorful terms that they usually say. "Why is it that y'all get a degree and forget about the black women that got you through it all?" Now, there's a good question. I've seen, on TV, many cases where a brotha is a CEO or a ball player or big time attorney and there's Susie Sally Homemaker on his arm: blond hair, blue eyes, and proud! My friend went on to talk about how white women specifically go after successful black men. My rebuttal was, "why would they go after unsuccessful men?" There are obvious differences between sistas and white women but I refuse to believe that sistas aren't going after successful brothas as well! So she remarked, "yeah, and y'all end up picking the white girl!" I had to think about a comeback to that one. And I got to thinking back to when I moved to Delaware....
I left the blackness of Philly to live in the mostly white environment of Wilmington. My school was about 70% white (if not more). Now, I'm around white girls and black girls. Whereas I had no particular affection or affinity for white women in Philly, I began developing one in Delaware. Why? I was around them all the time! I was in all AP classes. How many sistas were there? 1, maybe 2. Who wore the short skirts, usually? White girls. Who were so "friendly" and touchy-feely? The white girls. When I left for college, I was around them again. However, UD had a something else going on: a strong racial divide. With the KKK headquarters only 30 miles aways, skinheads starting to organize and just plain old racial bullshit (that happens whenever and wherever), there wasn't too much "mixing" going on. Then I got to Charlottesville. VA...the cradle of the confederacy. And, the FEVER was rampant. Tommy J's university seemed to embrace interracial coupling. The local population seemed to be totally immersed in it. It was OKAY! So, in my upwardly mobile position as a grad student, was I inclined to fuck/date/marry a white woman? They're in abundance. If my theory (oh yeah, that was a theory I was trying to develop with all that talk about high school girls) was to hold up that black men end up, somehow, surrounded by white (or non-black) women when they get in "certain" higher positions and that's why they may gravitate toward them, I needed to show how I too was so moved or be able to show some other examples!
I couldn't. Really.
That got me thinking about another perspective. Something really simple. We can't say that all black men of 'higher substance' prefer white women. We can't say that white women are out to get them some chocolate, at all costs. We can't say that any more than we can say that white men pursue black women because of some inborn desire that hearkens back to the good old days of slavery. Nope. Maybe some men have a preference for certain women! I brought up this example: dating someone who's not college-educated.
Sista bitch and moan about the number of good/worthy/eligible black men. So, I say, "most of y'all limit your scope right away!" If there are a 100 eligible black men and 90 of them are non-college-degree-holders, then you're down to just 10. Of that 10, which ones are attractive to you (on any level). As a black man, I have (had) it easy right? I could pick and choose, but what I used to say was this. Just because you have 1000 to pick from, that doesn't mean that 1000 are good/worthy/eligible. What it means is that I have a little more wiggle room in the compromise department. Whereas a sista wouldn't look twice at a dude with bad breath (if the ratio was in their favor), now they have to think about that dude (and getting him some eclipse gum). Men, however, don't have to make such concessions. Bad breath, NEXT! Kids, NEXT! No college degree, NEXT! And the list goes on. We're not going to get into a pissing contest about who's got it worse. Women do, black women especially.
Back to the topic....
I guess I want to know a couple of things. I have black and white female friends in this Myspace circle. I'd like to hear some honest answers or discussion. We're all adult and we know how to DISCUSS without being RUDE! Why do some black men end up with white women when they're successful? Also, why can't we consider that some of these same black men dated white women BEFORE they were successful. Kobe (asshole) married a woman that he'd been dating since high school. He didn't just pick her up once he got a Lakers jersey! I have heard on MANY occasions that sistas end up with white men out of pure desperation. Is that true? I'm sure my white brothers have other redeeming qualities beyond being the ONLY thing left. I've heard things like, "white men treat you better." I've heard, "that myth about them having small dicks aint true!" (well, DUH, it's a MYTH) I have friends who are fed up with brothas and "their games" and have moved on to the greener pastures of white men.
What I find interesting is that this phenomena is mainly a white-black thing. Chinese folks stick to their own. Indian (east not native american) folks stick to their own. Hell, Mexicans stick to their own. My friend made a point that these groups are doing well because they had/have that central structure: a chinese/mexican/indian mother and a chinese/mexican/indian father. If we, as black people, are to get ourselves together we need to start there! I do agree, wholeheartedly, but a part of me wants to remind her and others that WE don't have a similar history or background like these folks. We have over 400 years of slavery, not just oppression, but SLAVERY ingrained in us. That shit is ENCODED! Our thinking and the thinking that we pass on to our children, in many ways, was placed there over 400 years ago. That's sad! Let's look at our other black brothas and sistas. Ethiopians marry Ethiopians. Egyptians marry Egyptians. Nigerians (tend to) marry Nigerians. Ghanaians tend to marry...well you get the point. In some cases, these groups pass down very strong objections to marrying outside of the race/group/color. Why is it that we have such a big problem with it here? Which is right?
Well, I've done a brain dump and I apologize if some of this made NO sense whatsoever or if I lost you (or my point) at times. My blogs have never come with a disclaimer of lucidity, brevity, or consistency. It is what it is!
Oh yeah, go check out your boy Dj Izm Friday (8/3/07) and Saturday (8/4/07) at Club R2/Rapture on the Downtown Mall in Charlottesville, VA. I had to do the shameless plug!!!!
***
Ha...I thought I was done! I'm not. I haven't said a thing about the joys of dating again (and some of the not-joys). I guess I've never been one to jump and shout about my dating situation when my friends (majority female) are single and looking. I feel like it's rubbing their noses in it, but that's why there's the option to NOT READ ANY FURTHER!!!!
Having had a 5 year break from dating, I'd have to say that I'm enjoying being IN IT again. I've blogged about dating (monogamously) before. I've talked about what's good about it and what can be bad about it, so I don't want to repeat myself. Instead, I'd like to talk about the funny things (good and bad) that go along with dating (for me). Most of these observations are probably ONLY relevant to ME but there are a few that are universal. Let's do one of those first.
ONCE IN A RELATIONSHIP, OLD FLAMES COME OUT OF NOWHERE AND FOLKS START TO LOOK AT YOU DIFFERENTLY!!!
I could go to the SAME bar/club for 4 years as a single man and not get HALF the attention that I get NOW having a lady on my arm. All the cuties in the Ville manage to somehow START coming out when I (you) get someone special. You could be, oh I don't know, at a bar in New York City and get flirted with (on) constantly by people you wouldn't normally receive such attention from. Random women walking down the street seem to wink at you (in their own way) more when you're with your woman. I'm not going to ask WHY IS THAT. I know why. I'm just making an observation.
Folks with whom I haven't spoken in years have managed to "find" my number all of a sudden. I can't begin to tell you how many phone calls and emails I received the DAY after I became a plural :-) I'm talking about years of NO COMMUNICATION and BLAMMMM, there they are. It's like dogs catching a scent. SNIFF SNIFF..."uh oh, Michael's not single anymore!" Too funny!!!
When you've been single for a long time, you forget some basic things. For instance, weekends aren't just for YOU anymore :-) I've never been a hang out with the guys every night kind of person. I usually socialize with one dude and we hit the streets hard every now and then. The rest of the time, I'm indulging one of my hobbies. Get a woman and that changes slightly. Time to start thinking about DATE things to do. This all seems rather banal but you'd be surprised. When you're single, you definitely get in a mindset. Your time is your own. Sharing? HA!! What's that?!?!? What's less obvious is how much time you'll spend with your SINGLE friends. For a myriad of reasons, you find yourself out with the single set a LOT LESS. One, they're out looking for some trouble to get into. Your days of that are OVER. Two, they're probably going to tire of hearing about your adventures with your ONE woman. And lastly, your "plus one" will most likely be hemming up most of your time anyway :-) But, does that mean that you'll be relegated to either one-on-one dates with your mate OR the obligatory double-date? *sigh* Are these ever fun? You and the guy chat about your women and the women chat about the latest sale at Macy's. LOL! WHOA...was that sexist?!?!?! Down boy...down!
Dating someone significant means that damn near EVERYBODY wants to ask about or bring up marriage. It comes up so frequently that I have to wonder if most folks are sincere. Let me explain.
Since a lot of my recent friends (as of 5-10 years) may have not seen me in a relationship and have a strong impression that I'm not the "relationship type," they keep that skeptical "this won't last very long" look on their faces and in their speech. "So, when's the wedding," they ask with a loud doubtful undertone. "Oh, so you're in love now," they quip as if the thought is so far-fetched that they'd sooner believe in martians invading us. Every now and then, you get a sincere inquiry. "So, are you happy?" Now, that's a sincere straightforward question. "So, are you happy now" sounds more like that bullshit I was talking about earlier. Why would I be happy NOW as if I weren't happy before and I only got in a relationship to be HAPPY! Happiness doesn't follow from the instantiation of a relationship!!!! *sigh*
I'd rather folks didn't ask or comment. Shit, just say hello to me! I tire quickly of the pretenders who want to know "where's your girl at" or "how's married life?" Give me a break. I aint married. My lady is at where she's at! Nuff said on that subject.
Overall, I wouldn't want to draw a picture of complete and utter bliss. A relationship is what you make it. I've always known it to be hard work that's very fulfilling and rewarding with the RIGHT PERSON! Single life is/was fun. Dating life is (and has always been) great! I don't knock either one, but for those who are dying from a burning curiosity, YES, I'm VERY HAPPY! Are there wedding bells in the future? Well, of course there are. Are they ringing for me and my new love? Only time will tell...but that wouldn't be a bad thing ;-)
Goodnight and Peace!
Sunday, July 1, 2007
Thoughts Internal: Opus I
This probably shouldn't be my first blog, but hey, why not....
It's the summer time which means warm weather and less clothes, etc. Yeah, we all know this. As a man, I appreciate the absence of clothing on our beautiful female counterparts. So, what's the issue today?!?!?
FLIP FLOPS!!!!!
Okay, please don't ask me why I've jump on the flip flop hateration bandwagon. A flat piece of rubbery material garnished with a rubbery-plastic composite to keep the (hopefully, non-offending) foot firmly fastened to its comfortable base has managed to corner the shoe market during the warmer climates. Women and men adorn their precious toes and aching arches in these contraptions of future foot calamity. THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS. They're not good for your feet. But, that's another story. My beef is with men.
Fellas...WHY!?!?!!?
Flip flops do not look good on men! Now, I can hear some of you wanting to say, "what about those shoes YOU where?" Well, they're not flip flops. They're more like slippers. They don't have that damn piece of plastic that dances in the crevice between your big toe and that toe that sits next to it. There is hangs out with toe jam, sweat, and other tasty treasures. YUCK! It looks gay! Sorry, I said it! I wish some things would just stay male-only and female-only! Of course, this comes from a man with a pierced left and right ear, but eh, whatever!
Make the flip flops go away!!! PLEASE!!!!
-------
Am I the only person on the planet feeling the pain of writers in the United States? I watch a considerable amount of television (compared to the amount of reading I do) and it seems like the television landscape is populated with nothing but reality shows. How many model shows do we need? How many "I can sing and I want the world to know it" shows do we need? Bravo used to be my channel. It had great cultural programs on it, specifically jazz performances. It slowly turned into reality TV central (part of the new segregated model of television -- I'll get to that later). You want to buy a house? There's a reality TV show about that. You want to get married? They've got something for that too.
Now, I know that reality TV has been around for years (does anyone remember Candid Camera) but geez! Must every channel/network have their own reality show? Is that all America wants to watch? Themselves acting a fool? I contend that once you put a camera in a person's face all the realness goes away! These people become actors/actresses. Everything is overdone! The laughs become louder. The arguments become more grandiose! Pure drama! I guess that's what we want in our drab lives: a little drama. We all need that voyeuristic itch scratched in those private areas of our mind that we don't discuss in polite society. Right? We've all complained about rubberneckers on the road and we've all done it. We simply have to see if someone's hanging out of the car bleeding to death. What a society!
Hey, what about that segregated TV comment?!?!?!?!
So we live in an integrated society, right? We're all one big melting pot, right? I'm typing this blog in Brooklyn: a borough of America's premiere melting pot, New York. Well folks, I hate to say it, but we're not an integrated society, in the purest sense. I can take you to a part of Queens where the Koreans have taken over. I can take you to a part of Brooklyn that oozes with Italian bravado. If you miss the sights and sounds of Jamaica, I have a spot for you! Are you fresh out of the closet, we have a slice of NY just for you! Where's the integration? TV is just as bad. If you're a "MAN" dripping with testosterone, SpikeTV is just for you. Are you an "emotional" woman? There's Lifetime and Oxygen to satisfy those feminine urges. Let's just cut to the chase. Here are the target groups for certain channels (as I see it):
Lifetime & Oxygen - Women
SpikeTV & ESPN - Men
Bravo - Homosexuals
BET & TV One - Blacks
VH1 - 30 & up crew
MTV - 20 somethings
HGTV - hmmm...not sure just yet
SciFi - geeks
Fox News - Conservatives/Republican
CNN - Liberals/Democrats
PBS - tree-huggers, liberals, intellectuals, kids...lol
Where's all that integration? One channel with something for everyone...HA! Cable companies wouldn't make any money, I guess. They've got to convince us that we need 500 channels. I watch about 5 - 10 channels: History channel, A&E, SpikeTV (for Star Trek re-runs), HBO (for the great original programming), CNN (to see who our President messed with today), VH1 (when I need to be reminded of the good old days or when I am feeling like my brain is getting overpopulated with intellect - e.g. Flavor of Love), AMC/TCM (gaining an appreciation for old movies -- even though WE are not represented in most of them with the exception of the hired help), Cartoon Network (Robot Chicken and Adult Swim keep me laughing - pure drug-inspired comedy), and a few others that grace my screen from time to time.
***** SO COULD THE CABLE COMPANIES CHARGE ME LESS FOR THE CHANNELS I WANT AND KEEP ALL THAT OTHER CRAP *****
I'm laughing to myself right now because I'm typing this while watching the Godfather Saga on...BravoTV!!!! I guess they're trying to get some of the SpikeTV folks. I could make that deeper but I'll leave it alone!
Okay...more complaints, observations, and fun facts to come (I hope). I'm hoping to get back to writing some more poetry and possibly some short stories on here. We'll see who comes by to read :-)
Peace....
Monday, May 7, 2007
MySpace Blog 20070507
Ahhhh. . . today finds me in a special mood. I am remembering thoughts that I had several months ago regarding me NOT being single anymore (and by the way, I’m still single). The thoughts went like this:
If I had a girlfriend, would I still have so many (female) friends?My answer. . . probably not and most of them would be pissed off and never talk to me again.
That seemed a bit harsh to me and I thought: if they were TRULY friends, they’d be happy for my happiness. LOL. I think I feel my naivete is acting up again! ”As long as you’re single Mike, you won’t have any problems with any of them.” That shouldn’t necessarily be in quotes but it’s a thought that was expressed by a FRIEND of mine. Ha!
Well, here’s where I get a little venty!! (yeah, that’s not a word, but fuck it)
It constantly amazes me how, throughout my ”casual” history with women, I’ve seen some of the same behaviors exhibited in them. For example, most women would ”deal” with me until something better came along. What do I mean by better? Well, if they were looking to settle down and I wasn’t on that page (WITH THEM), then something better would be a guy who wanted to date, exclusively. Now, when that would happen, do you think I’d get a phone call, email, IM, blog, or a fucking BOO to say that OUR status was changed? HELL NO! How did I typically find out that ”she” was in a relationship? It was usually by some haphazard event like running into her at the supermarket or a chance phone call to set up a date. Then it’s like, ”oh yeah, I’ve been seeing someone!” Well, thanks for letting a brotha know. Perhaps I wouldn’t have been blowing up your phone/email/text had I known.
. . . there’s a bit of the passive aggressiveness going around . . .
I would be the LAST person to say that I don’t have P.A. tendencies. I hate conflict and hate confrontation even more. I avoid both like the drunken broad in the club. Nope, no sir! I’ll be having none of that C&C with my salmon. Thank you very much! However, I do know this much. When I get boo’d up, I let folks know. It’s only fair. I don’t want them calling me @ 1am while I’m laying in my woman’s arms on the couch. That aint cute! I certainly don’t want a surprise visit while we’re cooking dinner together. Or, lawd knows, I aint trying to run into an old ”friend” (who doesn’t know the current status) while out at some dressy function with my sexy-somethin! NOPE! NOT PRETTY!!!
In any event, having said all that, people never disappoint me. They’re always those who act like they’re truly concerned with your happiness but in fact they’re only concerned with their own. My years of putting everyone else’s feelings above mine are over! I’m not going to turn into a selfish prick. No, never that! I do think that I deserve a little selfishness every now and then.
. . . was there a point to this. . . I mean. . . really . . .
No point. THESE ARE JUST RUMINATIONS PEOPLE. . . DON’T TAKE IT PERSONAL!
...later that day ...
Topic: Doing your best to show people how wonderful are. . . .
I just read an email message from a friend and she mentioned always showing the guy she’s dating how wonderful he is (versus him showing her, I suppose). That got me thinking. In an ideal situation, there would be two people making sure that EACH knew how wonderful they are/were (verb tense, not my specialty). Right?
. . . DOES THAT HAPPEN IN PRACTICE. . .
I remember someone telling me that I tend to ”take over” during sex so I shouldn’t complain when I’m not getting the attention that I want. Valid point, I thought. But, if I didn’t take over, who would? LOL. At the end of the day, we want a mutual thing going on, a happy medium where everyone gets what they need and want. But. . . .. . . DOES THAT HAPPEN IN PRACTICE. . .
Will you cook dinner 3 times this week and 4 times next week? Will you reassure me that I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to you? Will I do the same? I’ve been privy to intimate details of a few marriages and I think I have ”some” idea of where things start (or can start) to break down. One of the biggies is when folks stop feeling appreciated. Am I needy if I want to hear ”I Love You” once a day? Is she needy if she wants you to support her sorority events every month? What is needy?
. . . THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW. . .
Think back. . . yeah, you. . . think back to the beginnings of your past relationships. Would you say that both parties were ON IT? Him with the flowers, you with the sweet loving (and perhaps dinner). Him with the car door and compliments. You with the constant cuteness and attentiveness. Toward the middle of said relationship, was there an obvious degradation of the ”ON IT”-ness? (gotta love the ability to manipulate the English language into so many incarnations – is any other language this way) Toward the end, were you or he any LESS needy?I remember being the star boyfriend in the beginning of all my relationships. Attentive. Loving. Never forgetting those special dates. Then towards the middle, I started having feelings of ”what about me” and ”is it my turn to lay back and enjoy myself?” By the end, it was more about ”how can I get out of this” and ”
. . . OOPS. . . TOO MUCH DIGRESSION. . .
How does one maintain equality of satisfaction? Is this a mystery of life? I’ve ”chased” every woman I’ve wanted to date. I imagine that women who have wanted to date me might feel like they’ve chased me (this is assuming I wasn’t interested in them that way). During the chase, it’s such an unforgiving and sometimes not fulfilling time. You’re trying to make the other person notice you, want you, need you. Meanwhile, they’re sitting back sipping on a cocktail with their feet up. Skrait chillin and shit. You’re all sweated the fuck up, working to get them. Then you get them. . . do you kick back? Some folks do. Honestly, we all know this to be true. But, NO, you shouldn’t. You’ve got to maintain that garden. You’ve got to be ON IT!!! I know the rules. I know what makes a successful relationship (even though I can’t say that I’ve had many). I know the do’s and don’ts.
Do. . . let your man/woman know how important they are to you Don’t. . . let them forget it Do. . . support them in whatever they want to pursue Don’t. . . look elsewhere for that support Do. . . fuck’em like it’s the first time Don’t. . . roll over and say, ”a’ight, let’s get this over with” Do. . . cook them a special meal, at least, once a week Don’t. . . make them feel obligated to cook for your ass (all the time) Do. . . leave little notes to say I LOVE YOU Don’t. . . forget how to say it verbally Do. . . let your feelings be known Don’t. . . hurt their’s in the process etc, etc, etc. . . .
I know this! But, whew, in practice. . . .
Anyway. . . just food for thought! More ramblings from the ruminator!!!
Peace. . . .
Saturday, January 6, 2007
MySpace Blog 20070106
Women are very interesting to me! I think that’s why I love them so much. I’m amazed at some of the things they say and do.
A friend of mine sends me a text message about ”saving something” for her husband. sidenote: text message conversations are just silly Anyway, back to the commentary.
Saving something. . . really?!?!? What’s that all about? Okay, I’ll provide a little context. We were ”discussing” swinger clubs and such. She mentioned a few things that she’d like to do ”with her husband.” Now, she’s been to one of these clubs a few times. I don’t get the impression that she’s done anything ”with a man.” I asked her why and she replied ”I’m saving that for my husband!” Hahahahahahaha. . . PLEASE!!! Maybe I need some dudes to weigh in on this, but I can’t imagine a guy being all ga-ga because his wife-2-be saved certain sexual escapades for him. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! If you can cook, fuck, and look good, I doubt very seriously that your man will care what you saved for him. That’s like saying, ”I don’t want to be too good at oral sex; I don’t want my man thinking I’ve had a lot of practice!” You blow your man correctly and I’m sure he’s NOT going to give a flying fuck where you learned the skill. Don’t Ask, Don’t TELL!!! That’s what I say.
Let’s be real ladies. You’re saving ”whatever” for your own edification. Many women still have that ”programming” that tells them that sex with ”too many” guys makes them a whore. I suppose there are still some ”old fashioned” men who care about a woman’s ”number.” I don’t care to know nor do I see a need to get into a sharing match about such. If she’s ”clean” and I’m ”clean,” I don’t particularly care how she got SO GOOD at what she does.
Eh?!?! I guess I’m (still) fucked up! LOL.
Oh well. . . back to watching Columbo!!!
Peace. . . .
A friend of mine sends me a text message about ”saving something” for her husband. sidenote: text message conversations are just silly Anyway, back to the commentary.
Saving something. . . really?!?!? What’s that all about? Okay, I’ll provide a little context. We were ”discussing” swinger clubs and such. She mentioned a few things that she’d like to do ”with her husband.” Now, she’s been to one of these clubs a few times. I don’t get the impression that she’s done anything ”with a man.” I asked her why and she replied ”I’m saving that for my husband!” Hahahahahahaha. . . PLEASE!!! Maybe I need some dudes to weigh in on this, but I can’t imagine a guy being all ga-ga because his wife-2-be saved certain sexual escapades for him. GIVE ME A BREAK!!! If you can cook, fuck, and look good, I doubt very seriously that your man will care what you saved for him. That’s like saying, ”I don’t want to be too good at oral sex; I don’t want my man thinking I’ve had a lot of practice!” You blow your man correctly and I’m sure he’s NOT going to give a flying fuck where you learned the skill. Don’t Ask, Don’t TELL!!! That’s what I say.
Let’s be real ladies. You’re saving ”whatever” for your own edification. Many women still have that ”programming” that tells them that sex with ”too many” guys makes them a whore. I suppose there are still some ”old fashioned” men who care about a woman’s ”number.” I don’t care to know nor do I see a need to get into a sharing match about such. If she’s ”clean” and I’m ”clean,” I don’t particularly care how she got SO GOOD at what she does.
Eh?!?! I guess I’m (still) fucked up! LOL.
Oh well. . . back to watching Columbo!!!
Peace. . . .
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