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The Cruise –

So, it’s been about 5 days since I got back from HEAVEN and I think I’m ready to discuss it.

7 days on a cruise ship is pure torture when you recognize the following:

1. You will NEVER eat like that when you get back home
2. The club will NEVER be right next to your cabin
3. You will NEVER be around that many people from so many countries @ once
4. Waking up to blue skies and a blue ocean aint REALITY
5. Falling asleep on the 11th deck of a ship is better than ANY sleep you’ll ever have
6. Where else can you flirt with women from 60 different countries?
7. Did you say room service EVERY NIGHT for FREE?
8. 3 servings of shrimp cocktail, lobster, etc. . . did I mention the food???
9. Several bars, several lounges, a movie theater, an ice-skating rink. . . under 1 roof
10. FINE ASS WOMEN. . . (would have been nice if they were closer 2 my age)

I went on a 7-day cruise with the parental units and we had a BALL. The ship stopped at Cococay, Bahamas which is a private island owned by the cruise line (Royal Caribbean). I was NOT impressed but the beach was beautiful. This was a stop to get some MORE of your money. As soon as you exit the tender which took you to the island from the ship, you’re greeted by man-made huts with trinkets and what not. Then you can do all the water sport you want FOR A NOMINAL FEE! That was the buzz term for the entire cruise: NOMINAL FEE. There were many things that were free but a lot of the things you would have wanted to REALLY do had a price (i.e. order wine). In any event, I dubbed this Capitalist Island. What an idea. We’re going to take you to OUR island where you can give us MORE of your money! I mean damn. The water sports should have been free. Can a brotha get a floating thingy without having to RENT IT???? Nuff said. . .

We were then out to sea the next day (Tuesday) and I slept outside on the 11th deck. It was lovely. I had the best sleep EVER. I woke up to the sounds of Caribbean music and folks splashing in the pools and jacuzzis. I got my drink on, of course, and managed to get some swimming in. I must say. I didn’t do a LICK of exercise on this ship and they had the BOMB facilities!!!! If you needed it to maintain your sexy, it was on this ship! Unfortunately, my goals are rather small: get my drink on and get my party on!!

Hmmm. . . I could go through each day, but that would be a little boring, so let’s just replay the highlights, shall we?

The next island we visited was St. Thomas. TRULY BEAUTIFUL! We did a little shopping and headed to Magen’s Bay for some sun and fun! I actually got in the water. I can’t begin to tell you how terrified I am of the ocean. I can swim, but I’ve seen too many shark movies and heard too many stories about jellyfish! This water, however, was so warm, pristine and calm, I could scarcely think of anything else BUT relaxing! Note to self: WORK OUT BEFORE GOING TO ANOTHER BEACH!

The next day we docked on the dutch side of St. Maarten (the french side is called St. Martin). I was a little less impressed with this island when we first rolled up on it. There was construction going on so things looked rather unfinished. I still enjoyed it though. After you leave the port, the rest of the island is beautiful. We did, however, roll through some of the less-than-appropriate-for-tourists areas. It seems like a hurricane hit and they were still rebuilding. I didn’t appreciate being hounded by folks who worked for the jewelry stores. Everyone had a deal and wanted you to come in for this or that. Then there were the people who had time sharing opportunities. I’m like, ”dude, I’m on vacation, back the fuck up!” After getting through all of this, we headed over to the French side to check out the 4 or 5 star beach, Orient Bay. It was beautiful but the water was not nearly as calm as Magen’s Bay. And, no one bothered to hip us to the fact that this was a NUDE beach! I think we were on the more semi-nude side of it, so no TRUE nastiness to see but there were a whole lot of saggy titties and burnt skin. I got in the water with no hesitation and then I saw them: jellyfish! They were 2-inch in diameter clear balls that were just floating around. This scared the shit out of me! I don’t mind admitting that I’m a little bitch when it comes to the water and I DEFINITELY not feeling my Wheaties @ that moment! In any event, I managed to do something I’ve always wanted to do: parasail! That was amazing!! Here you are about 400 ft or so in the air looking down on nothing but clear blue water with a little harness to keep you from falling. Gotta love that!!! I managed to take a picture or two while up there. I will admit that I was QUITE NERVOUS but it was beautiful. It’s one of the few times that I wish I could fly.

The rest of the trip was spent @ sea. I was a lazy bum for those days! I would get out of bed around 2pm or so but that was after rocking the club till 2:30am and then walking around the ship or swimming until 5am. I didn’t get any writing done or any of the other things I brought with me to do. I just soaked in the gentle motion of the ship, the beautiful waves outside my window and the completely pampered feeling you have on a cruise ship! I would highly recommend the Mariner of the Seas to anyone who is looking for a cruise!!! We did the Eastern Caribbean but they have a 7-day Western Caribbean cruise that touches Jamaica and Mexico: more stops and less time ”at sea.”

For those of you looking for ”stories,” forget it! What happens on the ship, stays on the ship. LOL.